He will provide

The Atonement is not a one time thing :)

"Those who are truly reverent are the ones who have paid the price to know the glory of the Father and His Son."
L. Tom Perry

It will rain

I love the rain ... from indoors. I can't remember playing in the rain as a kid. I think I had too healthy a fear of my mother's disapproval to be an all out dancing in the rain kind of kid, but I know I loved jumping in puddles. I didn't get to play in the rainfall, but I sure benefited from the aftermath!

Dancing in the rain is on my bucket list. I don't know why it's taking me forever to do it. There's always rain this time of year. I guess it's not something I really want to do before I die, but an experience that I would enjoy (and I'd possibly catch a cold...there goes my mother again).

My sophomore English teacher taught me that rain is used in movies and novels to denote change. I didn't have much fun during our Shakespeare unit, but the one useful piece of information I came away with is rain = change. It might be a realization, death, windfall, etc. We can't always have sunny days and sometimes the adversity of rain and dark, gloomy days is the kick in the butt we need in order to level up.

It's raining lightly outside :)

The other thing on my mind is planning. Many of us plan our lives. The details aren't always clear, but we have a general idea of where we want to go. When I was a teenager I wrote a letter to myself to be opened in 10 years. I think I ended up reading it at year four or five. I had a whole plan of things I wanted to accomplish and where I wanted to be at...at marriage and baby in a baby carriage, the whole nine. Fast forward 10-15 years and my plan is not coming to pass on my timeline.

It's interesting how many of us make plans without counseling with the Great Planner himself, our Heavenly Father. I hope I can truthfully say that I'm better at including Him in my plans now. I know for sure I didn't plan to be unemployed for this long, but somehow we're making it. I'm grateful for my family's support and non-judgmental stares when I tell them I'm tired after staying home or only working a few hours at my part time job. I'm trying.

He will guide us through the storms of our lives when we let Him. King Benjamin told his people to turn their tents toward the Temple. This is my trying to turn myself in the same direction.

Love & Blessings.

FA'ATUATUA MA GALUEGA

(www.lds.org/broadcast/ces/cesfrsdmcmullin00942890.pdf)

Two things I need desperately.

I did something bad the day before. I let other people's success and happiness be a stumbling block to my joy. I slipped into the cavernous wormholes of Facebook and started creeping on people from my past. They seem to be very happy, fulfilled, successful individuals and instead of stopping at being happy for them, I progressed to being discomfited for myself. 

Go back to 10/20/2011 - my life was very much the same.

Go back to 10/20/2010 - ditto

Go back to 10/20/2009 - same

Go back to 10/20/2008 - setting up for the same

I've done some great things in the last four years and progressed a lot in certain aspects, but the one that got me down the other day was more of a professional dilemma.

"Whatever our vocation, we should be sweetened, not hardened."

A couple of years ago I heard a talk by Neal A. Maxwell and in it he said, "Whatever our vocation, we should be sweetened, not hardened." I had become a robotic employee, only concerned with my own responsibilities and not very enthusiastic for venturing out of that realm. I listened to that statement and decided it was just for me. I took an active role in my team position and felt a difference in my satisfaction in a day well spent.

Today, and if I'm being honest for the last year, it doesn't seem like enough. I'm a year away from a teaching credential I don't desire, if the requirements remain the same; four years with a company that has been relatively good to me; and ten years with a boss who challenges and tries me, and generously compensates my time.

There's my professional state of the unit ( me ) address. I'm still figuring it out and some days I wish someone would just tell me "you're supposed to do this", but in the meantime I'm taking it day by day. I hope to be able to update this post soon with some kind of resolution, but until that time...

Sweet by and by.

I like analogies, food analogies in particular. I have been teaching choir songs for a little over a year now. It's not customary to have a young choir mistress, especially in a Samoan ward, but I am; and there you have it!

One of my funnier teaching moments involved dynamics and McDonald's portion sizes. I told them not to be stingy with their super size (ff), large (f), medium (mf), small (mp). We never really got past mezzo piano because it's very difficult to get consistent sound when they're singing any softer than "soft". I used to yell out "SUPER SIZE" or whisper "small". They laughed, but were very compliant.

A few Sundays ago I took too much advantage their good humor. I told them, "when I close my hand you close your mouth." I didn't realize how rude I was until I saw someone snicker at me. I do believe they let me get away with too much.

Anyway, back to the food analogies. The speakers in sacrament talked about faith and as I heard their messages I had the following funny thought. Here's the bit I recorded on my phone:

Faith is like food the Lord continually puts in front of us. If we ignore it, what happens to the food? It spoils and then the Lord puts another plate in front of us. The process goes on and on, He doesn't give up on us, don'tcha know. What will happen to us? We'll starve and our faith will get so skinny and weak that eventually we won't recognize it.

I giggled silently to myself as I thought out my newest food analogy.

Downton Abbey.

A "bird" by any other name

M.S.A.

It's not a gang, virus or credential. It's the designation for members of the LDS church whose relationship status is single and age is 30s to 40s. It stands for Mid Single Adult. 

This evening I attended my first MSA fireside. I was inspired, uplifted and walked away with a desire to travel to Nauvoo and experience some church history. Every July the Nauvoo Pageant puts on a show about the early members of the church, their faith and the construction of the Nauvoo temple. 

The guest speakers served as Public Affairs couple missionaries for 18 months and they shared experiences and promotional clips. My mind was wandering, nothing out of the ordinary, and it wasn't so much the words they shared, but the zeal they had for the work and for the gospel that enthralled me. They have beautiful spirits and I'm definitely a fan. When one of the organizers introduced them she promised us the couple was awesome, that we'd thank her for getting them to speak and that we'd love them. I agree on all three accounts. The wife was first to speak and she started with, "It's okay if you don't love us." We all laughed and her humility and great-nature quickly won the crowd over.

As far as my first MSA experience goes, I felt very young. I'm not quite 29, but I feel excessively aged in the YSA, so I decided to see what I may get to look forward to. I made myself stop people-watching, tough to do when others blatantly gawk at your friends, and be there for the message. I know that's the way things are supposed to be, but I love to observe [the MSA animals in their wild habitat] and it's hard not to do that in a place where it's normal to turn about and be highly distracted.

Nancy and I met a girl affectionately called Pakosina by her Fijian relatives. I guess that means white dove in Fijian, I know it means white duck in Samoan. We were unaware that we were still using our Kiwi accents in this first meeting and Pakosina thought it was real. I think it's so funny when people think we're from overseas. I want to try an accent that would be totally off with my brown skin. I have my eye and ear on the Irish Brogue!

R and more R.

Open, Open, Open

I always thought these commercials were annoying. @0:28. Imagine my surprise when yesterday the perfect opportunity to use this chant fell into my lap.

We were sitting in primary, listening to Sis. Talili's respect-themed sharing time.

Jasmine: I'm gonna die alone.
Me: What?
Jasmine: Because I'm never getting married. I don't want to do the whole marriage, wife, mother thing.
Me: O.kay
Jasmine: [exuberantly] Do you live with your mom?
Me: Yes
Jasmine: I think I'm gonna do that.
[pause]

Me: You know, you may change your mind. You should leave your options open. You never know...
Jasmine: [serious face] Nope. All my options are closed. [more rambling about being alone]

She super caught me off guard. If it comes up again I'll be sure to mention that even single people aren't alone and encourage her to keep her options open, lol.

That's the extent of the Facebook coverage this exchange received. This experience reminded me that regardless of whether or not I'm trying to be an example, good or bad, people are paying attention. Jasmine's young and I'm sure she'll change her mind over and over again, realize her teacher isn't as cool az as she thought I was and establish her own pattern. She hasn't been dealt the easiest of hands, but she does have people who love and support her. I pray that she'll consider the full gamut of options before she decides to shut those doors.

racquets and shoes.

Who is it?

Hi! My name is Twailla. I wasn't quite ready to make this blog my namesake, but I decided stamping my name somewhere on it would inspire me to take some pride of ownership. 

Tango. Sierra. Mike. These are not people I know in real life, but they are my initials in the U.S. military alphabet. I'm United-States-ian. I never thought it was cool to call ourselves American, as if Canada, Mexico and the rest of the Americans didn't exist. Nevertheless, I have been known to call myself American. I am also LDS, Samoan, Californian and inquisitive.

LDS - aka a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am a gospel library/mormon channel app, seminary, girls camp, YSA, all of the above Mormon. Probably tied with my ethnic heritage, this "me" fact has had the greatest influence on who and how I am.

My people are from Samoa. I was born in the U.S. I am a second generation American. It's amazing how much a language and culture can be lost in just one generation. I don't speak Samoan and my appreciation for ethnic dance didn't come until later in life (this life that is not quite 30 years long :P). I can tell you one thing:  I eat like a Samoan!

I was born and raised in California! Coastal weather; an ethic, tossed-salad community; amusement parks; and beach days characterize my SoCal experience.

I like facts and niggling questions bother the heck out of me. I have been known to settle many a dispute via Google, mostly mid conversation. Only tried and tested individuals are taken at their word, and even that is rare; all others are verified (or nullified) by Google; Wikipedia; Yahoo! Answers, etc.

This feels like a profile or some other here I am, look at me attempt, but isn't that what all blogging is about? A record of who you are; what you've done; where you've been; how you think and when it's all done, you've got a neat, chronological "Exhibit A" for why you are the way you are. Unless, of course, you're not being truthful.

So there you have it:  your first glimpse into the jumbled, beautiful mind (it's all relative), of Twailla. There goes the neighborhood ;)

Lazy Labor Day